her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
