I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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