no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
