He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize