I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
