somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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