can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
