Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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