Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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