i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
he just fucked me for my cheese.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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