I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
