I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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