so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
