I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
