used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
