I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
