what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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