Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
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He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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