hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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