i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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