coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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