Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
