Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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