I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
