Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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