please come you make the beer taste better
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
