Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
