walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
