This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
