I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
