i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
