You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
