You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
