You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
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he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
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It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize