Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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