Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
