Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My pussy is not your playground.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
