Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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