A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
