So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just cropdusted the office
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
