i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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