there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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