i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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