My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
