I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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