Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
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So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize