Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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