Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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