maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
