Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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