when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
