Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
