therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
