hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
