True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
