I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
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