two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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