I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is wine microwaveable?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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