I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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