as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
