I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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