so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
