1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
