Just fell off a train. Bad.
I think I won the penis lottery.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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