please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
