TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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