well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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