3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
