omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize