just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
