Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
