Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
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I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
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We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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