at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
