Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
