Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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