God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
